Paper Ball

A small thin sheet —
Paper white —
Floats freely on the wind
Across asphalt black —
I watch and admire.

I grab the sheet in shaken hand
With pen I draw, write, scribble, and
This empty canvas —
From clear, calm —
Turns a darkened cloud.

My tears drip rain,
Smear and stain,
In lightning vain and thunderous shame
I crumple —
Toss it to the ground.

This now wrinkled ball
Lifeless, small —
Too heavy for the wind —
Struggles to find
Free flight again.

After the storm clears,
I pick up the ball
Saddened, soaked,
Looking defeated —
A crinkle of hope remains.

Gently, I uncrumple —
Unraveling to a lightened shape,
Finding myself again —
Though, creased and marred
I see what was, and what could be.

I take to a frame,
Glowing in different light,
No longer ashamed or frightened —
Flying to new heights, I smile —
I look and admire.

This poem is about many things. Manic episodes and depression, self-esteem, confidence, and reworking failed dreams. It’s about trying and failing and trying again. It’s about finding yourself amongst the chaos.

I found this poem again after I published my book, Between The Dark and The Light. I’m a little sad that it isn’t in there, but maybe it will end up in a second or special edition — or a completely different book! Recently, I looked at it again while considering what poems I wanted to share on here.

When I first wrote this poem, I was in a dark place and naturally, it ended on darkness. It works well and I could leave it alone. However, I thought, what if I could end it on a lighter note? The poem above is the result. Below, you can read the original version.

Paper Ball v.1

A small thin sheet —
Paper white —
Floats freely on the wind
Across asphalt black —
I watch and admire.

I grab the sheet in shaken hand
With pen I draw, write, scribble, and
This empty canvas —
From clear, calm —
Turns a darkened cloud.

My tears drip rain,
Smear and stain,
In lightning vain and thunderous shame
I crumple —
Toss it to the ground.

This now wrinkled ball
Lifeless, small —
Too heavy for the wind —
Struggles to find
Free flight again.

I don’t typically change or add to poems after I decide they’re done. I’ll go through some revisions when I first write them, but not much more. Like a photographer, I get the initial shot and then do some tweaking in post-processing to get the image just right. However, some shots are great just the way they are. It kind of depends.

As always, thank you for reading.